By The River
by SIB
Summary: [Inuyasha x Kikyou] Kagome is watching Inuyasha sleeps and cannot help but to feel that the hanyou will never be hers.


**By The River **

**Author: SIB**

**DISCLAIMER:** Inu Yasha belongs to Takahashi Rumiko-sensei.

**WARNINGS:** Inuyasha/Kikyou (don't like, don't read) and a slight reference to anime episode 147-148

**Notes:** For my favorite pairing in Inu Yasha series: Inuyahsa/Kikkyou. I have stopped reading it since manga volume 18, but had the sudden urge to write this pointless drabble after I watched episode 147-148 due to my friend's reference. Everybody who has watched that one hour special will know what river I mean. It will forever be my favorite Inu Yasha episode XD

* * *

The half-youkai sniffs in his sleep and Kagome smiles.

It isn't like she has never watched him sleep out of exhaustion before, but the peaceful somehow naive expression always does well in blossoming a smile on her lips. The harsh reckless quality it constantly maintains at daylight is nothing really disturbing, but a change sometimes is also welcomed. When he is in this state, it is hard to believe that she is looking at the face of a being that has lived through many ages, that his heart must have been hardened through many happenings which she may never have the chance to learn.

But he always acts impulsively, rarely proves his actual age even though for a youkai –or half-youkai– he may be no more than an infant. It was with no little difficulty that Kagome has managed to find out that the attitude is a simple facade he has learned to build to shield himself from mockeries. And betrayals.

Inuyasha is many things, often an impetuous traveling companion, an invaluable ally at countless fights, a deeply loyal friend in times of needs, sometimes an awkward yet soothing presence with his lack of eloquence, and still thousands else she can make a list of. But she, in her own way, is also many things. So is Miroku. And Sango.

Kikyou is many things, too.

The night air is caressing her cheeks and she cannot help but to muse about her resemblance with the miko. Kikyou is beautiful –it is hard for her to admit it out loud, especially after she realized her inferiority and at the fact that the other is only a little more than deceased– in her own cold graceful way. She is more like a divine spirit in the bitter winter; there and yet not there, lifeless but not soulless. What was she exactly, as a woman who held so many people's heart, how she lived and smiled and all are beyond Kagome's time, but the distant never-smiling face may speak as much for her.

Inuyasha sees many things in Kikyou, things that nobody else notices. If what they have in between is built on what each sees in other, perhaps it is not so bad after all, despite the turn it takes now.

Perhaps it is beautiful.

She knows of the story weaved between them, of the blood, tears, and pain intertwined in it, and yet his smile now is nothing bitter. Dreams and reminiscences will be the last thing coming from Inuyasha's mouth, or at least it is what Kagome figures, but it must be something beautiful, or precious, something he holds dear in his heart.

There was a time when she asked him if he ever thought of his ageless life, of the limitless time that extended before him if he were to survive from every mortal wound he very often suffered. Because she thought it would be painful to live alone while those you loved could not escape from the malice of time. She was expecting a loud snort or a confused retort as why the question rose, but she got a wistful smile instead, something she had neither expected nor anticipated coming from the hotheaded hanyou.

That moment, she thought she could understand why he had chosen to be human fifty years ago. Kikyou was a human after all, someone who had the privilege to die.

Often when she feels like wandering her thought, she will wonder if time is what actually Kikyou wins over her, that if she had met Inuyasha sooner than her, one or two things would have been different. She doesn't wish to be Kikyou, it is obvious –she will never want to be the one causing that poignant expression, like the one painted on his face every time he beholds Kikyou, or the tears she coincidentally saw once when she was watching the hanyou slept nights ago– but that peaceful smile is just something more, out of her reach.

As to why Inuyasha chooses to sleep at the riverbank after an evening full of quiet gazing into the distance by the said river, she doesn't really feel like to know. Perhaps it has something to do with the past, or maybe he once kissed Kikyou there. The smile, in itself, is already a rare gift after all, no matter who has brought it there.

And when he opens his eyes, twin golden orbs blinking into life, and his smile melts into the usual scowl, she cannot help but to realize with a pang in her stomach, that the serene smile will never be hers.

Suppressing a wince is not really the case but stopping her wound from bleeding may be.

* * *

**Author Notes:** I take this from Kagome's POV so, a little about the word 'inferiority' I use, I think it is only natural for a girl to feel inferior to another girl, especially when it concerns a boy she likes, that's all. I like her better after writing this. Yeah, for some reasons can't seem to like Kagome -- Well, that's it for this very short story. Hope you like it and will review.

For the readers of my other fics, I'm working on them. Hopefully can finish them this week.


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